|
14:26 - 14 May, 2005 I sincerely feel like this House, This place has won. I am ready to throw up the white flag. I understand now why I have been on drugs for so long. I thought my getting off meds/drugs would be a victory for me. Yes, I dropped 25 lbs so far, Yes, My sex drive is even more insane than previously...Yes, I may be more healthy...but..I Miss them.... Nope. I am still miserable and fucking terrified beyond belief. I just want to put my head in my hands and cry..not cry silent, cry like a baby.... I am not asking for sympathy or writing like the 99% of these "EMO 16 yr old male and female bitches" on this site. I have A Serious medical problem since my childhood and I need Help The scary thing Is I can see my 2 yr old having the "meltdowns" that I used to have, it is breaking my heart. I wish this on nobody....this is a prison sentence with solitary confinement.. Anyone who saw me would not understand why id be depressed......
somebody help me.... This house is killing me too. I pray that we get back to NY and the stress levels drop ASAP. The animals we have are all on my shit list too, especially this cat. She once was the queen..now in my eyes, she's nothing more than vermin. Lots of changes heading this way.... I have ruined lives...including my own.... You win fuckers.....today at least you win.....
|